Umm I'm too high to move.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize