you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
