someone threw a dead crab at me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
