i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
