Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
