Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize