Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
