he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
