a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
