I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
