I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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