god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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