I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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