he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
