found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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