Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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