Your tits are I can't wait for
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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