I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
