she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
