we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
