So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
