The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Your cock deserves a montage
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
