margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
