nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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