Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
