So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
this is an emotional support booty call
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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