Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
