just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
