Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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