i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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