Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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