Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
