i think my mom watched the whole time
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
