Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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