I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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