He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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