Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
