I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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