So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
