Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
