it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
