Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
