Your dad touched me again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
