We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
