You kept calling me your small dog last night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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