I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
