All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
