I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize