This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
