I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
