you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's shark week go big or go home
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
