I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
