this beer tastes like vomit already
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
