We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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