Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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