Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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