why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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