he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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