Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
