Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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