he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
