Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
