I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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