just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
