I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
