Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
