Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need to calm my uterus...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
