im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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