Having a random hookup so left but love u
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
