And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
