I want to make a zoo with you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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