I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize