ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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