Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
