This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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