My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
