it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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