I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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