and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
